moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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