I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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