just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
