There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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