im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
