im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
