y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
