I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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