dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Someone signed my nipple.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
