so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
