i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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