he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
