he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
