I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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