My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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