I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
