just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
