guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
