he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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