he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
