Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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