I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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