Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
