Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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