i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
