this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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