last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize