you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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