I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
