Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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