Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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