I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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