I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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