you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
