i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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