tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
