Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
