There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
