well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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