HIV tests are more positive than that guy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
