He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
