she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
