I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
