just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
