You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
