He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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