$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
