im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
