i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
