I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
