He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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