I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
