and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
