he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
