Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
