hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
