You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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