I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
