Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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