If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
