How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm like, not good at living.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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