I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
from now on my penis is your penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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