so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
