OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
