Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
