When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
