This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
