So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
