3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
