it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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