I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
