me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
why is half of my head shaved?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
