areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
