adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
